Improve your emotional intelligence - Step 3 Develop an awareness of your emotions

An important skill of emotional intelligence is having a moment-to-moment awareness of your emotions and how they influence your thoughts and actions. Emotional awareness is the key to understanding yourself and others.

Many people are disconnected from their emotions–especially strong core emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, and joy. But although we can distort, deny, or numb our feelings, we can’t eliminate them. They’re still there, whether we’re aware of them or not. Unfortunately, without emotional awareness, we are unable to fully understand our own motivations and needs, or to communicate effectively with others.

• Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in places like your stomach?
• Are your emotions evident in subtle facial expressions?
• Are your feelings strong enough to capture both your attention and that of others?
• Do you pay attention to your emotions?
• Do they factor into your decision making?

If any of these experiences are unfamiliar, your emotions may be turned down or turned off. In order to be emotionally healthy and emotionally intelligent, you must reconnect to your core emotions, accept them, and become comfortable with them.

So, today put a name to each emotion you feel by writing it down. If you do not have anything on your list at the end of the day then tomorrow pay close attention to your facial expressions during the day and note them. Other methods of noticing your emotional state is to note the expression others have when you speak to them. Others will often mimic your facial expressions.

Only when we can identify our emotional state can we communicate appropriately. To effectively communicate make sure that your expressions match your emotional state. Frequently we mis-match our emotional state and our facial expressions. If you find yourself smiling when you are angry you need to adjust your facial expression to match your emotional state.

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